Jessica Quindlen: [00:00:00] Welcome back to the Sound Cents podcast. I'm Jessica Quindlen. Today we're discussing finances and friends. I have Laura Straub, our Community Education Lead. Hello, Laura.
Laura Straub: Hi.
Jessica Quindlen: And Emma Protsik our Financial Coaching Supervisor. Hello, Emma.
Emma Protsik: Hello.
Jessica Quindlen: All right, Emma, let's dive in. How common is it for friends to have different income levels and what challenges does that present?
Emma Protsik: It is very common. It's something I've run into personally. I'm sure both of you have as well, but it does have a little bit of challenges that come along with it. And I do want to add that money is seen as kind of that taboo topic. And I think a lot of these challenges are just because we're not talking about it.
But with different incomes, it could kind of lead to different tastes. If one friend makes more, they might really want to go out and do more expensive things when one friend isn't really able to do that. So, it can create a little bit of tension.
And then again, maybe one person's feeling some shame with that, so they're not even going to bring it up and just agree to go to [00:01:00] an expensive event, one that's not going to fit into their budget. So, lots of challenges with that.
Jessica Quindlen: Absolutely. I've certainly been there on both ends of the spectrum in my life.
How important is it to communicate openly about these financial limitations or expectations when you're planning activities?
Laura Straub: It is so important. Setting those boundaries up ahead of time, having that open dialogue from the beginning can just help with all of that with any friend group.
Whether it's expectations of who's paying for what, or when are you paying for things? Are you splitting the bill evenly? By percentage? By what you order? There are so many different ways that we can go about combining expenses for any trips or just activities with friends. So, having that established plan in place can help everyone with that ease of mind of like, okay, like we know we are going to put this person in charge of buying all the tickets, and we all owe this amount of money by this amount of time.
Just have a plan and don't be afraid to [00:02:00] openly talk about it. I think that's what's hard about it. Be the one that brings it up, like, “Hey, how are we paying for this?” Just so that way everyone's on the same ground. Ultimately, we probably are all thinking it.
Emma Protsik: Right. I'm sure that your friends will be really grateful that you're the first one to bring it up because then I do think it becomes natural, right? It's something that my friends and I have gotten into the habit for. “Okay, what's the budget for tonight?” And we do have those conversations, but you just got to break the ice.
Jessica Quindlen: Yes, absolutely. So, what are some budget friendly activities that friends with varying incomes can enjoy together?
Emma Protsik: I always recommend checking out local events you have going on wherever you live. Libraries will hold a local events, even neighborhoods will do different activities like block parties.
So, check out to see what's free. But one of our favorites - and I think it's everyone's go to when hanging out with friends - is definitely the meal side of things. What I do like about grabbing food with friends is everyone pays for what you order, so it provides that flexibility. If somebody doesn't have the budget to spend [00:03:00] $30 on a dinner or whatever that might be, they can get an appetizer, something smaller. So again, eating is just a great way to connect, a good way to kind of appeal to everyone's budget.
Laura Straub: Yeah. And with that too, even just hosting a potluck or something.
Emma Protsik: I love that.
Laura Straub: Yeah, it's usually pretty inexpensive to make your own food at home, but you're all coming together and having that time together when you're making that meal or whatever it is. So that can definitely lower that meal cost as well.
Emma Protsik: I remember Laura, when we wanted to go grab brunch and I had that kind of thought like, “Oh gosh, I got to spend more money then.” But Laura's like, “No, come over to my house. I'll make us pancakes,” and we did mimosas, all the things. And it was so fun.
Laura Straub: Yeah. And it was way cheaper.
Emma Protsik: And we saved a lot of money.
Laura Straub: More food, right?
Emma Protsik: Yep. Better. Laura's a great cook.
Laura Straub: Oh, thanks. But even really cheap things to do. Mini golf is usually very inexpensive and a fun time, right? And so just looking for some of those [00:04:00] cheaper things that anyone enjoys doing no matter what your income is. You don't have to go to lavish events or balls or galas all the time, right? You can keep it lowkey and hang out with one another. I think that's important to recognize as well.
Jessica Quindlen: That's great. How would you recommend people navigate when there is that one person who wants to splurge while others want to stick to a budget, whether it's a special occasion or just they've got fancy taste.
Laura Straub: That can be really difficult. I think the first thing is just being willing to a talk about it. With a group, ask what your budget is for an event. And if that person is like, “No, I want VIP tickets,” then you can honestly be like, “All right, we're doing this. You can do that.” And having that tough conversation and being willing, unfortunately, to be able to say no to events.
Even if it means missing out with time with friends, but you're sticking true to your budget and your values that you want to stick to. It can be [00:05:00] really difficult but being open and upfront with one another about what your budget is and what you want to spend your money on is helpful.
Emma Protsik: One thing we haven't quite talked about yet is setting boundaries. So please, before you're having these conversations with your friends, set a boundary for yourself, right? How much is this event going to cost? Am I willing to spend it? How much am I willing to spend for that?
Make sure you're not only having the conversation with your friends, but with yourself as well beforehand and make sure that you can stick to whatever you are setting.
Jessica Quindlen: How can friends support each other without making anyone feel judged or inadequate due to financial differences? And I guess this question is more for folks who maybe are doing financially better in whatever way that that means. How can they be supportive?
Emma Protsik: I think one of the best questions to open up the conversation that doesn't feel super intrusive is simply just “What's your budget for tonight? What's your budget for that trip?” Then you can throw out just estimations, kind of loose numbers of what that might look like and then have that conversation around it from there. [00:06:00]
Laura Straub: Yeah. And honestly, varying up what y'all do together, so it's not always focused on something you have to spend money on. Doing some stuff more casually, just hanging out at each other's places or going on a walk or hike or, you know, some free activities.
Having different types of things that you're doing with your friends can also help a little bit when it comes to this, so you're not constantly having to bring up your budget as well. That can just make it a little less scary and daunting sometimes to talk about it constantly.
Jessica Quindlen: For sure. How can friends support each other in financial goals? So, branching out a little bit from the hangout time, how can friends be supportive on the other side?
Laura Straub: Yeah. I mean, tell each other your goals. Help each other celebrate. Be each other's accountability partners. Especially when we go shopping together, don't be the one that's enabling them to buy more, be the one to ask, “What can you do to save?” Or whatever the case may be.
But honestly, just being there for each [00:07:00] other. Even just saying, “Hey, I remember you saying you were saving up for your cruise, how's that going?” This can really just help each other stick to those goals that you have.
Emma Protsik: I love, too, what you said about celebrating together, sharing those wins. I really want to try to change the world, how we view the money conversations around it. Talk to your friends about tools, about resources, things that you've heard. Talk to your friends about how you're investing your money, how you're saving your money. It helps everyone, so the more we have those conversations, the better everyone's situation will be.
Laura Straub: Absolutely. Because you can learn so much from each other. You taught me about one of the high yield savings that you have. And I was like, “Oh my gosh, why didn't I think about that yet?” So, it can really help each other in small ways that you're like, “Oh yeah, like I impacted them in a positive way.”
Jessica Quindlen: My last question is really around peer pressure. And unfortunately, I think sometimes it can happen in social situations where people might be pressured to spend more. How [00:08:00] can people handle that?
Laura Straub: Yeah, I will say I had a really hard time with one particular friend who loved shopping and I liked going with, so I felt kind of pressured to buy stuff too when I was in the store with her.
And so, what I did was I just physically limited myself to $10. That was it. That was all I brought into the store. That was all I could physically spend. That really helped me limit a little bit with that spending, only bringing X amount into that store.
Then I finally had the courage to really talk about it with her about like, “Hey, let's not go shopping at lunch break every day. Let's do something else.” And we were able to then start doing alternatives to that.
So again, if you're not brave enough just yet, that's okay. You can be like me and take baby steps along the way to get there until you're willing to have a really good conversation.
Emma Protsik: Again, those boundaries. It's always good for us to keep our financial goals at the top of our mind, so make [00:09:00] sure you're doing that reflection.
Another thing that you can do if your friends do like going out and doing all those activities, maybe you can join them for a part of it. That way, you don't feel like you're completely left out.
So maybe your friends are doing drinks and dinner. Maybe you only join for the drink portion or meet them up for dinner later.
So maybe it's just removing yourself from some of those situations where you might feel more pressured to spend more money that you did not initially plan to do.
Jessica Quindlen: I love that. Anything else to add when it comes to finances and friends?
Emma Protsik: Break the ice, please. It's hard and I know that money - we've talked about it so many times - it's so emotional and there's a lot of shame that comes with it, but please just rip that band aid off and I promise you everyone's going to be so grateful that you were the one to do that.
Jessica Quindlen: Absolutely. And I think if you're seeing that peer pressure happen, be that supportive friend who's like, “Knock it off, leave them alone.”
Well, that brings us to the end of our show. Laura, Emma, thanks so much for being here. It was great having you.
Emma Protsik: Thanks, Jess.
[00:10:00]
Jessica Quindlen: Thank you for listening to Sound Cents from Ent Credit Union. Be sure to follow our podcast as well as rate and review us. I'm Jessica Quindlen. I will see you in two weeks, same time, same place.
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